Besieged; August 28, 2014

This is often how I feel.

I'll have some good spells and then I feel this way, which isn’t always discouraged nor is it overwhelmed.

Nonetheless, the feeling just beats me down.  It causes me to not want to get a good workout in or just sleep.

All of the good things that I have planned to do sometimes get lost in the fog of feeling this way and it is hard many times to fight through.

This week has been that entire way even though I’m going tomorrow to visit my grandmother in Pennsylvania.

Yes, it has been a tough 2014 so far.

So you could say that some of it is to be expected, but there are some other issues at play too.

It is hard when you spend the bulk of your time alone.

Yes, there are short-term remedies to that state of being, but when the long-term reality sets back in it is feeling of somebody almost sitting on your chest.

Don’t get me wrong:  I have great friends.

And, yes, there are some that I can – and would like to – spend more time with, but more often than not they have friends or acquaintances that I, from experience, don’t mix well with.

My friends may or may not know about it, but, regardless, I don’t ever want to drag their world down with my uncomfortableness with those individuals.

I’ve so much as to have driven to a race that doesn’t have an entry fee, but refuse to leave the vehicle and eventually leave the grounds because there were people there that I had long lost respect for.

And I didn’t think that I could be around them without it showing.

Needless to say, I've been greatly challenged.  It's hard, but I work through it.

I had written through the paragraph before the last one before a co-worker - at about 2:30 p.m. Thursday - that I don't talk to a lot - just because of job roles, etc. - asked me how I was doing.

I was given the opportunity to let some of the fog dissipate.

I didn't feel weak earlier in the morning expressing to an associate - in my work setting that I was only working with for only the second time - that I was having a rough time in case something didn't come out right.

But through the earlier conversations and a phone call to a very good friend of mine who lives in east Texas and is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer, my spirits had lifted as he is such an encouragement in how he is handling all of the challenges that he has faced in the last year and a half.

We both noted that we have great kids.  Me one daughter; him, two.

Then when I got home and checked the mail, there was a document that arrived from the IRS that was actually good news - and a big burden off my heart.

I had called my grandmother to discuss when I would be arriving on Friday and what I had planned for the weekend.

All had turned out well enough to go to the gym to workout before coming back to home to finish getting ready to leave in a few hours.

I know that God put some people in the right place to help me through a rough patch and spell.

Some days are harder than the other, but I keep plugging away.

If you're reading, please keep me in your prayers.  I'm sure that today isn't going to be the last day that I feel the way that I did.  There will be more and once again, I'll need to battle.

However this is a place that I can come, let things go and work them out.

Thanks for listening and in advance for your prayers.