Rebuilding the Wall; April 2, 2021

Had somebody on a post on Facebook on Thursday say the following, "Love yourself. Others will follow suit. And if they don’t-you didn’t need them in the first place."

I openly cried.  

I'm not too ashamed to admit it. 

Call me weak, if you'd like.  I'd like to think I have a heart.

Why?  Because the person that I've wanted to be a friend - they're not and really have never been - won't be or is only - in their mind - "when they need you for something," says one of my good friends with knowledge of the entire situation.

I wrote that person back with the following:  "And regarding your last three sentences.  I have #1 down.  Most are in the #2 category and even though a lot do for what I do, I think many realize it is a reflection of who I really am.  

"The struggle is those in #3 who act like they belong in #2 but really don't merit being in that bunch.  

"In 90 days you've probably engaged and interacted more openly than a person that I've known for eight years ... will be frank with you:  I cried - and am even tearing up again - at the last statement because it is hard to give up on people, even when you need to."

I told him that "I was going to post this in comments, but man, I'm too visible in the community."  

Few people do know about this blog -- unless the 3-7 that have seen the last couple of posts are sharing it!  :-)

I shared with him that I appreciated his boldness and openness on something preceding those three sentences that he shared.

It's hard for people to be what you'd like them to be when they don't want to be or can't be.

It's hard also when you're not good enough for them, even though they given you mixed signals that you are.

(Trust me that there are people out there who clearly let you know that you're not in their class.)

Then today, Friday, another person that I've communicated more here recently shared something from an Instagram user that said "Forgiving people in silence and never speaking to them again is a form of self care."

And I totally agree.

But I have to cross paths with the individual on a slightly regular basis.

I think I have it figured out that I likely won't see them until May, which is good, given the current situation.  (And what will remain, for sure.)

I shared with somebody, though, that they don't really ever reach out - which is a sign of where they are really at with me - and that's OK.

I'm now just trying to deal with the residual mess that's been left behind.

I'll get there.

I read something that I needed to give all of the pieces to God - and I've vowing to do that.