Father's Day Thoughts; June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day.  It was indeed happy, but a bit sad too.

As I've mentioned many times here, my desire is to write more, but it seems like life gets in the way.

However, I enjoy taking the time to document my thoughts, including the struggles and the joys.

I'm a very blessed man, even though there are things that have happened in my life that may indicate failure.  I didn't say I was perfect or not, but still - through it all - blessed.

I think what today has taught me is the importance of openly communicating how you feel towards people who take the boldness to do the same unto you.

That seems to be the theme which resonates through the day.

My day started early, as I couldn't sleep.  And I haven't been sleeping well this past week with Waverly gone on her missions trip to Kenya and Tanzania, but it isn't because I'm worried about her in any way, shape or form.

Sure, there are many risks, but that is why I trust God and those who are making decisions on my behalf these two weeks while she is gone.

And perhaps that is it -- that I know that I'm not able to fill that role of being ready to meet her needs, regardless of the day or hour.  Or maybe God is trying to tell me to take a well-deserved rest.

I'm sure that God will continue to reveal it to me, and draw me away from some of the time that I wasted earlier in the week.

I was able to communicate with a high school classmate very, very early as well as watch a Christian friend of mine from the triathlon community as he was delivering a keynote speech at a major IT conference.  I sent him a tweet that I would gladly yield the microphone at a race to him, but just now I also realized why a friend - who lost a loved one about this time two years ago - entrusted him to communicate on their behalf.

A class act and even a classier man who has been supportive and encouraging to me and my daughter while I was villified by a few in a mutual athletic community.

(As I was writing this, at this juncture, I checked my e-mail and I had something in my box that brought together what I just wrote above.  Wow.)

I went to church this morning buffeted by online communications expressing my thankfulness of being given the opportunity to be a father as well as receiving public praise from my daughter.  Very humbling, yet very thankful.

My parents have had a challenging week and my Dad wasn't able to make it to this morning's service, but my Mom was there.  While communicating with Waverly the day before, I asked her to pray for them both.

My prayer and desire for both of them is to put their faith in action with a POSITIVE spirit that only they both can initiate and make happen.

The rest of my day was one of rest and reflection.  I took a nap mid-day.  Does that mean I'm getting old?  I hope not.  I don't feel my age.

Reflection, however, in that I feel as if I'm losing one of my best friends.

There's a distance that is coming into play in that relationship, but because of an extenuating circumstance that is in the middle of it that I feel like I need to let things play themselves out.

I saw a family member of theirs in my church this morning getting up from the altar and I stopped - during the invitation - to take the time to pray for this individual as well as the person that is part of that circumstance.

It's all good and I'm just going to give that situation to God and let Him have it.

Twice within the last month with more than one person I've reached out to people and have been very open and heartfelt with no expectations other than an acknowledgement of the communication or perhaps a statement that they understand.

Yet I received neither.  Could they have not received those respective communications?  Possibly, but I just sense that they have and haven't reached out to attempt to respond to them.

As I shared with a mutual colleague, I'm made to feel on the defensive even though I was the one who reached out to bring clarity to an awkward feeling.

I will stand down and walk away.  I will never force anything again with people and, of course, I try here to make sense of it all in a language that is loving and not destructive.

I'm trying to learn from God to be even more patient and reflective, yet there are pangs of loneliness.

However, a Third Day song, "Call My Name", this evening reminded me that He provides me what I need when I need it:

It's been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There's a place where you belong
Here in My Arms

Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more

Chorus

You just call My name
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

I think one of the greatest things that has helped me the past four months is having the boldness to attend a Third Day concert at Liberty with my daughter.

I can honestly say that I don't think that I've heard any more than 20 country and western songs since then.  I've decided to try and fill my head - and heart - with more positive and uplifting music and messages.

Coming back to Waverly, it was such a treat to talk with her one-on-one on Face Time from Tanzania.  Wow!  She inspires me.

As I shared with a very good friend of mine later in the evening, who has two precious young girls of his own, that it is great knowing that your children are working to pursue God's perfect will in their life.

I actually had the boldness - and I'm sure she understands - to say to her that I didn't "miss" her so to speak because I was so excited for the life she was choosing to live out.

Yet I can't wait to spend hours and hours with her hearing about everything that took place on the trip and for her to decompress all of the things that she has had the opportunity to witness.

I've even encouraged her to blog, in a sense, because I believe that she has - and will in the future - so much to share.

Her heart is incredibly big and I'm so honored to have played a small part in that.

One of the things that I know will sustain me when she is off to college are the praise and worship songs that she has sang at church - as well as the special music.  When I hear those songs on the radio, my eyes get moist and my heart wells up in pride.

That one song this evening was Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go".  It took me ten minutes to look it up to remember.  What's this about short-term memory again?

I'll close with this:  it was not lost on me today of those who have either lost their children or their parents, particularly their fathers.

I thought about a number of folks specifically and communicated directly with a couple of those people who had lost a dear loved one in their life.

I'm thankful to have both my father, 66, and grandfather, 90, alive as well as my 18-year-old daughter.  To have that makes all else small in the grand scheme of life.

I'm also thankful for those in my life who love me - as family or friend - and make the effort to either reach out and/or reciprocate what love was extended to them from me.

That's being blessed.

Sunday Reflections; May 26, 2013

It is quiet here.  It is Sunday night and my daughter is at her Mom's parents spending the night.

It is how it is going to be here in three months as she heads off to college.

It is exciting and bittersweet, all at once.

I'm a very simple man.  I will not apologize for that.  I'm not for everyone - and sometimes I wonder if I'm for anyone - other than my parents and my daughter.

Some days life, emotionally, that is, is pretty challenging.

This weekend, though, has been good.

I had the chance - by race announcing - to support a new race in Montgomery on Saturday morning for a community that continues to mourn the loss of a second sister to a single family.

There were some minor hiccups, but nothing that ruined the spirit of the day.

I got to work with some great partners - the individual who supplied the sound (who has taken care of me at a number of other races and made me sound good) as well as the race timing company.

I believe that we were all able to provide a level of support that the new race director didn't have to worry about.

Today, our church had its graduation ceremony for its high school and college seniors.  My daughter was part of that group and she was asked by our Pastor to sing a solo.

She chose Francesca Battistelli's "It's Your Life", which was very fitting, given the day.

It is very satisfying to see how decisions you've made as a father - and where your heart's been led - have influenced your child and their decision-making.

However, I try not to force one day ahead of what she is experiencing today - other than to plan, of course.  Which is an appropriate exercise; however, I'm still excited about what God has in store for her in the years to come.

Me?  It is going to be a little bit of an adjustment.  I certainly have to get stronger and I believe that I have.

I've had to make some recent decisions that may have a reprecussion in a community that I'm a member of, but I can't leave myself unreasonably vulnerable again like I once did.

I once cost myself precious time with my daughter and I can't allow that to happen again.

When I meet people, right or wrong, I consider them a friend and I attempt to extend to them the same type of friendship that I have with my best friends.

Why shouldn't I attempt to give them - or everybody - my best?

Isn't this what God would want for us to do?

Is it risky?  Could I get hurt?  Yes, on both counts.  But at the end of the day, there's absolutely no regrets.  I get joy of being able to make that attempt to be everything I could, if they accepted it.  And that's the key point:  if the other person accepts it.

I had one situation where my daughter asked me, "Dad, why do you keep going back to that situation?"  And I think I remember my response to be, "I hate to feel as if I'm giving up on people."

Most people will - and reciprocate it appropriately.  A few won't, for whatever reason.

I just don't want this most recent situation to endanger my friendship with the person that knows the most about me short of my daughter.

We'll see.  I just have to pray that God takes care of everything.  In the meantime, I'll remove myself from some situations and just accept that it is what comes with the territory in trying to bring clarity to a situation that was troubling me.

It seemed that a person was seeking out my friendship perhaps, but when I tried to reach out, verify and act upon it ... I've been met with absolute silence.

Disappointing, for sure.  Expected?  Yes, kind of.

Without sounding like a braggard, it's their loss.  There's a lot of things that I'm not, but I have some admirable qualities about myself that are part of a healthy friendship.

I'll continue to look for ways to serve other people as God wants us to do.

Happy Mother's Day; May 12, 2013

Today’s Mother’s Day and I had the opportunity to honor my Mom by being in church with her.

The last time that I remember not being there was totally by accident.  I scheduled the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon, which I think was in 2004.  It was in the first year or two that I started to run and it, of course, was a new high for me.

It was my fourth half marathon in five months (Houston, Little Rock and Columbus, Ohio being the other three).  She understood, often as a Mother does.

She was also there when I had the courage to run my first race – the four-miler at the Houston Marathon more than 10 years ago.  My daughter got sick so Mom stayed home with her and like a small child, I wanted my Mom to go with me to ensure that everything would be all right.

It was, of course, and I was able to take in an activity that has brought much into the world of my daughter – physically, emotionally, developmentally and eventually, spiritually.

Back to today … being there with them is the least that I can do, even though I fail daily in other areas in my life.  (Things, of course, that generally only God knows about.)

The greatest thing that my Mom gave me is the ability to love.

It is a great ability, and one that I’m thankful for, but what hurts is when that love that I offer to others is rejected or not fully reciprocated.  And that love isn’t necessarily a relationship type of love, but one of a deep, meaningful friendship.

Those times are the most sorrowful in my life and I’m thankful that God’s love is what allows me to function from day to day, when those times occur.

The love that my Mom imparted in me is what has allowed me to love my daughter unconditionally, and I’m thankful for it.

My Mom didn’t have a lot materially growing up.  Her older sister, who passed on way, way too soon (1990, I think), raised her the last two years before she married my father, and then had me.

I think this is why that I’m generally happy with what I have and that I don’t have to have the next big thing.  (Heck, for the moment, I’m still operating with a flip phone.  That generated a fun conversation yesterday morning with friends who are runners, but there are other practical folks still around like me.)

While in church this morning, I thought, though, how my Mom hasn’t had her Mom since she was a sophomore in high school – coming up close to 50 years.

I guess there’s one thing that I’m thankful for my parents for having me really, really early is that it is likely that I won’t live that long after she has passed on to have to endure such a loss.

I know that there was one other situation that troubled my Mom today, but it went unspoken although I could see it in her eyes.

It hurt me a little bit too.  However, there are things that I can’t control nor do I have complete knowledge of.

I thought of others whose mothers have passed on as well as those who have lost children before their time.  Our pastor also asked everyone to pray for those who couldn’t have children – and enjoy that gift from God.

Society, I suppose, says that I shouldn’t be as sensitive as a man as what I am, but I would like to think that it has given me a fighting chance of being a decent father to my daughter.

There are areas that I could have been more Christ-like, and it isn’t that I didn’t have the boldness but that just trying to remain happy and stable over the years – of having love rejected close to home – I loved her with everything I had.

Our pastor’s message today – “How to say, “Are you worth it?” - was the second on parenting and I’m thankful that I believe that I got some of it right.

Introduction:  Every child has four basic needs that should be met by their parents – Security, Self-Worth, Significance and Love.

Reality:  If they don’t find these at home, they will find them somewhere.

Principle:  Boys and girls have these needs fulfilled through one basic question they need answered by their parents.  A boy’s question, “Do I have what it takes (to be a man)?”  The end result is that “he is looking to impress.”  While a girl’s question is, “Am I lovely?”  With that she is trying to capture your attention.

Biblical Truth:  God’s greatest desire for parents is to raise Godly children.

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?  In body and spirit you are his.  And what does he want?  Godly children from your union.  So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”  Malachi 2:15 (NLT).

How to Bring Out the Best in Your Kids

Accept their uniqueness.  (I Corinthians 12:6; Galatians 6:4)

Affirm their value.  (Psalms 139:13-14; Proverbs 12:25)

Correct them without condemning them.  (Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 13:24; Ephesians 6:4, 4:29)

Love them unconditionally.  (Ephesians 4:32; I Corinthians 13:7)

Final Thought:  More of parenting is caught than taught (meaning that children pick more up of what they see behavior that a parent models as opposed to what a parent teaches a child.)

I would like to think that I was able to provide those four needs and that my daughter only augmented those through her involvement in our church’s youth activities and choir – and didn’t go seek them in the world.

I think the question of whether she knows that from her parents that she is lovely or not is easily answered.  She’s lovely inside and out.

I think God’s desire was met, through His will, but that the production of a Godly child was done separately by her parents not together.

I believe that I definitely got the last of the four points correct and that I did the other three reasonably well.  I’m sure, though, that I could have improved in those three areas.  It is likely that all parents can.

Since I don’t publicize this blog, there are many that will never read it – and actually that’s OK because it is another way for me to try and survive in this world.

I can’t take time to individually wish every Mom out there that I know Happy Mother’s Day and I think – for me – posting a blanket “Happy Mother’s Day” Facebook status would go over like a lead balloon and to some seem insincere.

However, there are those that I wish it was appropriate for me to hope that they have had a good Mother’s Day today because I know how much they love their children – in how much they talk about them without necessarily bragging on them.  To me, that speaks volumes.

I'll regret not doing so because I fear that they'll take it the wrong way, but I -- and God -- know(s) what was in my heart.

So all I can do is pray that they’re getting all of their needs met by God through the love of their children.  I suppose it is the least that I can do.

Keep Slugging Away; April 25, 2013

Yes, Mr. Anti-Social has become even more so in the last week.

I have kind of gone on a self-imposed social media blackout (as stated earlier) -- with the exception of signing on to either Facebook or Twitter to deliver information that I have a responsibility to for particular clients, such as RAS or TRT.

Otherwise, I just choose not to interact for awhile.  I think at times I've become co-dependent (via these mediums) upon (or in) the lives of others -- and in the long run, that isn't healthy.

I believe that I expect people to reciprocate on my terms - and often they can't, won't or don't know (or care) what the expectation that's to be met.

And, of course, the fear is (for me) that people won't; therefore, it is easier to simply remove myself from what I believe to be an even unhealthier situation -- and just focus on taking care of me.

Sounds selfish, but I believe it to be more self-preservation than anything else.

Some of it also emanates from watching what transpired in those mediums (i.e. Facebook and Twitter) as it related to the tragedies in Boston and West, Texas.

There was a lot of great humanity displayed.  That's for certain.  However, there were a few things that disappointed me too, which was surprisingly disheartening.

Oh well, time to keep slugging away!

A Dollar Short; April 23, 2013

Since I've gone into a self-imposed social media blackout, I've really limited my online exposure to checking e-mail and doing the things necessary to support me!  :) 

It has already proven to be a needed mental break and one I need to figure out how to continue into the future.

Having been gone for most of four days (Friday-Monday), I took the opportunity to take Waverly out to dinner Monday evening.

We went to one of our favorite places to eat, BJ's Brewhouse in Shenandoah. 

I think that this time is what I will miss the most when she goes off to school in August at Liberty University.

I think taking - and making - time like this is what has made our father-daughter relationship as special as I believe it is.  Some might say it is what I should do regardless.  That may be true, but I cherish the time nonetheless.

We had a chance to visit about what was left to transpire during her final six weeks of high school and talked about many things as she continues to prepare for her first semester at Liberty. 

It is an exciting time in her life and she's doing an excellent job in planning for those next stages in it.

The exchange with the server, though, was quite interesting, and I didn't get a good vibe from the beginning.

She was one of those that gives you the impression that it is "just a job" to them. 

Nonetheless, we were well-waited on even though we didn't have an appetizer, dessert or drinks (not that Waverly can or would - and I can, but don't).

The bill was $26.20 and I gave the server two 20-dollar bills.  My plan was once I got change back was to tip the server $5 - more than 20% of the amount before taxes.

When she brought the portfolio back, there was $12.80 in change and not $13.80. 

I looked over it for awhile to make sure that a dollar bill didn't slip out somewhere and even had Waverly look at it to be sure that I didn't mess anything up (and that I was counting it right!)

After a minute or two of considering my options, I said to Waverly that I wasn't going to worry over a dollar and that if there was an irregularity that it would be on the server's conscious, not mine. 

So I placed my tip ($5, as planned) in the portfolio, closed it and just as I was beginning to move out of the booth, the server asked, "Did I not give you the right change?"

It wasn't, "Is there a problem?" or "You look troubled, 'How can I help?'", but rather the aforementioned question.

I informed her that it was short a dollar.  She offered to give it to me, but I refused and we politely left (but also didn't look back). 

Maybe I was weak and should have pushed the issue, but it wasn't worth the drama and the uneasiness that went with it even though I know that it was short.

Perhaps it was an honest mistake.  And if so, maybe she needed that dollar yesterday more than I did.

Social Media Timeout ... Again; April 22, 2013

Although it doesn't tell everything, social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) can tell a lot about a person. 

Yes, me included.

The biggest challenges that I encounter, especially on Facebook, are the associations that people have. 

And based on some encounters I've had with just one or two people (maybe throw in a third), Facebook, without even making a concerted effort, yields a road map of exactly 1.) who you can and can't trust and 2.) who else you need to distance yourself from - and why.

The thing is:  None of this will ever change.  And honestly, there's nothing that I can do about it.

So what am I to do?  Unplug for awhile, and as often as necessary to maintain a level of sanity.

So I'll try it again and see if the outcomes are any better.

Bumping Off Twitter; March 12, 2013

Yes, I just went ahead and deactivated the Twitter feed as I suggested that I might.

I had thrown some general, open-ended questions out there to maybe drive a little discussion.  Nothing.  The birds are still chirping.

I don't want to just be known for what interesting information I can come up and publish.  I've actually felt that for a long time.

While I might be a very simple person, if people can't make an effort to relate on more than that then maybe there are some situations with particular people that need reconsideration.

I guess I just didn't recall signing up to be in a fishbowl, and, at the same time, I wasn't comfortable with people just lurking out there and me knowing who they are.  Like I said, I normally didn't look to see who was following me, but the last couple of additions left me rattled a little bit.

I could have "bumped" them off, but that just starts all kinds of talk about me - which is something I don't want.

Even though my Facebook page and Twitter account is wide-open, if somebody is going to check it out without engaging me, don't friend or follow me.  Please, that is.

It is all tempered, I believe, by a bad situation where it seemed that somebody was quietly and closely watching my status updates.  Especially when I received a note that said, "I was just worried about you, and missed reading your posts on FB."  Then, and in the end, they never really engaged much to a level of friendship beyond that.

And it isn't something that I want to invest energy into again and have similar results. 

Maybe a flawed approach, but it is safer - emotionally - to find something - as opposed to somebody - to throw myself into then as opposed to trying to deal with people that can't or won't engage.