Simple, Yet True; April 29, 2021

An empath craves love, respect and companionship.  (Or in my case friendship.)

A narcissist craves admiration, attention and control.

Stuff makes so much sense when I've seen it now for a few weeks over and over. 

Some Recent Memes and Responses; April 28, 2021

+ In a Narcissistic relationship you end up trying to prove your worth to someone spectacularly devoid of anything like the worth that you possess.  (Truth, but you don't really see this until you're on the way out.  My friend told me, "They don't deserve you.")

+ Your anxiety acts up around certain people because their energy disturbs your spirit.  (I think it is more of their lack of a normal value system.)

+ Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess.  Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.  (Obsess is what I did.  It took a real friend being exactly that with nothing to gain and just being willing to spend time with you.  It was such an amazing 180 that I literally cried.)

+ Having anxiety is the most silently painful experience.  It makes no sense and you sit there alone and suffer for an unknown reason.  (I experienced that.  Although I knew the reason:  another's bad behavior and lack of concern.)

+ If you have the chance to make people happy, just do it.  Sometimes people are struggling silently.  Maybe, your act of kindness can make their day.  (I honestly try every day to engage positively with people when the opportunities present themselves.)

+ You don't owe loyalty to someone who mistreats you.  (Lot of truth to that.)

+ I will fight for you, but I will never fight over you.  If someone else has your attention over me, they can have you.  (It was never about a relationship, but a friendship.  However, starting the last weekend of March when I learned their communications - in person and beyond - with another, that was the start of things ending.)

+ People think being alone makes you lonely but I don't think that's true.  Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.  (Have experienced some of that.  Lot of truth there.)

+ If you sabotage a healthy relationship when you finally receive one, it may be because peace was never granted to you without a catch.  Peace looks threatning when all you've ever known was chaos.  (I really believe that this person that I've had challenges with looks at the world this way.)

+ You think you can hurt me?  I'm an overthinker.  I already knew you were going to hurt me.  (Yes and no.  I knew it would be a "no", but I figured it would have had some communication.  Never did I thought I would be ghosted and then they would take pleasure in seeing me visibly upset.  As I've said before, that's just plain sick.) 

Miles and Miles - 03/25/21 to 04/24/21

Tracking my efforts in 2021:

March 25 - April 24 - 66.326 miles - 33.525 miles walking - 33.2 miles walking (Apple Health) - 57.9 miles cycling

March 25 (Thursday) - 4 miles walking along The Woodlands Waterway (1:02:48.40) and 1 mile walking in Hannover Forest subdivision (15:24.10) - 10 miles cycling on Air Assault bike (30:09) - 0.3 miles walking (Apple Health)
March 26 (Friday) - 1.5 miles walking (Apple Health)
March 27 (Saturday) - 3.1 miles at Steps For Stephen 5K in Louise and 1.46 miles in Edna - 2.76 miles walking (Apple Health)

March 28 (Sunday) - 5 miles at Texas 10 Huntsville 5M in Huntsville - 1.4 miles walking (Apple Health)
March 29 (Monday) - 11.8 miles cycling on Air Assault bike (35:33) - 0.76 miles walking (Apple Health)
March 30 (Tuesday) - 3.132 miles at Knox Junior High - 0.783 miles walking at Knox Junior High - 0.54 miles walking (Apple Health)
March 31 (Wednesday) - 1 mile walking (Apple Health)
April 1 (Thursday) - 4 miles walking along The Woodlands Waterway (1:02:50.60) - 1 mile walking (Apple Health)
April 2 (Friday) - 3 miles walking in Hannover Forest subdivision - 10.2 miles cycling on Air Assault bike (30:07) - 0.4 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 3 (Saturday) - 0.62 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 4 (Sunday) - 3.1 miles at The Woodlands Running Club 5K in The Woodlands (30:53.66) - 0.8 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 5 (Monday) - 4 miles walking along The Woodlands Waterway (1:02:36.20) - 0.9 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 6 (Tuesday) - 3.132 miles at Knox Junior High - 0.522 miles walking at Knox Junior High - 1.3 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 7 (Wednesday) - 0.79 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 8 (Thursday) - 0.84 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 9 (Friday) - 15.7 miles cycling on Air Assault bike (45:16) - 1.1 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 10 (Saturday) - 13.1 miles at Blue Bell Fun Run Half Marathon in Brenham - 2.7 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 11 (Sunday) - 1.5 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 12 (Monday) - 4 miles walking along The Woodlands Waterway (1:02:28.22) - 0.4 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 13 (Tuesday) - 4.176 miles walking at Knox Junior High - 0.6 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 14 (Wednesday) - 4 miles along The Woodlands Waterway (43:03) - 0.72 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 15 (Thursday) - 3.1 miles on The Woodlands Waterway 5K parkrun course (31:44.03) - 0.46 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 16 (Friday) - 2.87 miles in Hannover Forest subdivision (30:25) - 1.13 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 17 (Saturday) - 4 miles along The Woodlands Waterway (43:09.44) - 3.1 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 18 (Sunday) - 5 miles at Texas 10 Sienna 5-Miler (49:00.05) - 2.8 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 19 (Monday) - 4 miles walking along The Woodlands Waterway (1:03:58.50) - 0.6 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 20 (Tuesday) - 3.1 miles on The Woodlands Waterway 5K parkrun course (30:01.55) and 3.132 miles at Knox Junior High - 0.4 miles walking (Apple Health) 

April 21 (Wednesday) - 4.044 miles walking at Knox Junior High - 0.5 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 22 (Thursday) - 2 miles in Hannover Forest subdivision (19:56) and 4 miles along The Woodlands Waterway - 0.86 miles walking (Apple Health)

April 23 (Friday) - 10.2 miles cycling on Air Assault bike (30:05) - 0.42 miles walking (Apple Health)
April 24 (Saturday) - 3.1 miles at the Mission 5K Fun Run in Valley Mills (30:05.91)  - 1 mile walking (Apple Health)

Learning and Growing; April 25, 2021

Ran a little bit of a test today.

I took some pictures at the first of two races that I attended today and some of them I put on the Facebook page of my best friend's running group in real time.

I - after I ran my second race of the morning - offered them to the individual that controls the Instagram account since earlier I did thwart a picture request from Blue Bell with me instructing them to ask for pictures from my best friend.

They never did and used another (as I said before, didn't bother me one bit), and then with pictures that I took at a race they did well at last Saturday, they, of course, never asked for the ones that I shared in the same place.

It was about keeping a hook in me when I hadn't contacted them since their response to the request to resolve the issues between us days after The Woodlands Marathon, which they firmly rebuffed.

I've been advised by many to have no contact with the individual (and was following that because they never offered any explanation(s) for their actions), but I tried to extend grace and forgiveness - of their behavior when I probably shouldn't have - and offered for them to use what I took today.

I had my statement handed back to me, which is OK.

I replied "No worries.  I offered.  Thank you for responding."

It could have either gone this way or to have accepted them - and have tried to start somewhere.  

I feel bad that they're butt hurt, but at this point I don't care.

I had liked to have had their friendship over the years, but honestly, I don't need nor want it.

It is now gone forever.

They brought up something to me in early February about being "on again and off again" since 2012 and I was like, "And its bothered you this long and you've never said anything?"  

Tells me the whole story.  It was about them trying to keep the "obedient admirer" act up. 

And in the past, I would have been spiraling.

No more.  I had a lot of help to get me to this point to where their actions do not bother me.

I totally expected this.

I now know what to expect in the future.

All good.  I had a great day, in more ways than one. 

Never Retaliated; April 23, 2021

Basically, I was thankful to receive some intel on how this individual responded to different situations and even though I hadn't seen texts that they had sent with my own eyes I talked to the person who had.

As much as I wanted to at times, I knew that they would have eventually shared them with people to destroy the true nice guy nature that I possess and live.

Even with this picture that they took on Sunday at the race we both ran, I figured that they knew that I would look at it and react.

While I wanted to, I just posted it here to say, "I see and have noted the attempt."

Honestly, though, it is such a waste of energy.  If they had just given a little of themselves on a regular, consistent basis and felt like they were even being close to open, I would be returning what I do to pretty much everybody on a regular basis.

One day and one brick on the wall at a time. 

 

Pretty Sad; April 23, 2021

Pretty sad that - in the end - a person that you once thought so well of has actually turned out to be somebody you will never, ever be able to trust again.

I saw the other day, "Be proud of your kind heart.  Not everyone has it."  True.

A good friend said it another way, "Never change your kind soul."

I also saw, "The ones who notice the storm in your eyes, the silence in your voice, and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in."

And I have a good crew to count on.

I'm thankful.

Sunday's Picture From Sienna 10; April 21, 2021

Seen and documented.  Definitely not a random picture.