Remember the 1983 movie "War Games", I do. It was one of my favorites.
Maybe in large part because of Ally Sheedy, who is now 58 (I just looked it up). Wow.
There was a line towards the very end of the movie after the computer went through all of its permutations, it said, "The only winning move is to not play."
That's how I feel about a "friendship" that I seem to be lumped into.
So no sooner than seven hours after posting my last update about being ghosted, I had a Facebook Messenger message from the individual.
It wasn't, "Hey, I apologize for not getting back to you on your ask of 15 days ago," but rather, "Jon, did you unfriend me again?"
The answer to that question was the Saturday or Sunday after the election and just 9-10 days after I extended the invite to her at her asking. Therefore, it wasn't as a result of me getting ghosted.
I left a long time before and she never knew it (because she never engaged in that medium with me which makes the ask to be a Facebook friend again really one about exhibiting control and having me bought in on her).
My answer yesterday morning was one that I threaded the needle on in my response, "I'm not connected at all."
There's not a follow of each other on Twitter or Instagram and I don't know if they are still a follower on Facebook or not. My female race director friend had told me that their Facebook account is locked down. Honestly, the 9-day period that I was friends with her on Facebook I saw maybe one post - before the Saturday post-election day post (and that was over the top enough to drive me away).
I respect people's choices, but how they present them is a whole other story. I'm pretty image conscious on what I post for the most part, especially Facebook since it has the most eyes.
What I was able to put together is that they were looking in through the list of users who had been invited to an event for something upcoming so that they could invite some additional folks. That's where she saw that I wasn't a friend - and prompted the message before 7 a.m.
On later analysis, I thought that was a little egregious to assume that I was willing to take a message before 7 a.m., but I let it slide.
She responded, "Ok."
And then I got this: "I truly don’t know how to proceed with our friendship or lack thereof."
My thought then and now is "lack thereof" and the ball is - and has been - in your court. If they want it, they can show themselves friendly. There have been decent dialogues in electronic form, but anything person has, as I mentioned in the earlier update, been brief.
Then, there was some information about the event:
So-so is doing something for somebody and presenting it to them in some days to come. (I had to edit this to disguise the real event.)
100% voluntary.
I want you and (my daughter) to be aware and feel included because I consider you part of the group, and more importantly close to the indvididual.
You choose whether or not to participate. Either way is good.
I just don’t want to present the individual with something when both or either of you might be out there and make you feel excluded. (Slight edit)
Take care Jon.
Merry Christmas.
I didn't read a lot into the last two statements until later in the evening when I was walking on The Woodlands Waterway after seeing a movie Tuesday night.
I responded within about 15-20 minutes after getting over the shock of the message that early of the morning, and forwarding the initial screen capture to my daughter and a good friend.
My response (with appropriate edits to disguise the true nature of the event) follows:
So and so added me. I saw it last night. I will be in Waco. I will share it with my daughter as I don’t ever know what her schedule or plans are lately. (She won't be able to be there either.) I typically, beyond genuine praise on Facebook, express my appreciation for the individual - if tangible things are involved - privately. Although I broke that mold last night on something as I wanted those in attendance to know that something they've been involved in for a long time. People have a tendency to forget.
I never feel excluded because I don’t include myself. My choice. However, some of it originates from the days I was writing and covering the sport(s) more and the need to remain unbiased. That remains a lot to this day. My loyalty is an individual and not a group and always will.
And, I might add, I hate the bullshit that comes along with group dynamics. It is soul sucking and I don’t have time for it. (That’s not to say that the group that is getting together has those challenges. It is just a general statement.)
I don’t know how to answer the issue with Facebook friendship, et. al. It really isn’t that important to me. If I communicate with somebody in person, I pretty much consider them a friend until an action(s) occur(s) that I reconsider it.
Honestly, I pretty much unfollow all and then add back those whose things I want to see.
As for me and what I post, people don’t understand that I hide nothing. I have no “friends only” posts.
Therefore, if somebody is interested in what I’m doing or what I have to say, it is out there for the world to see.
Facebook friendship is not a requirement of any level of engagement with me nor does it go the other way around.
I also think that people can follow on Facebook and not be a friend if they want to see your public posts in their news feed.
I hope that answers some of your questions.
She responded, "It does. Thank you."
Like I said, I have good counsel on this situation. Basically, I am deciding not to respond to the individual because there's not a path to anything basic as nothing to this date has worked so far.
My female race director friend says that this individual is into collecting friends. Another friend who I've shared this with that doesn't know her has a much harsher assessment that's been well noted.
As I may have mentioned before, I may have remembered one like of a Facebook post of mine ever and that's because I had tagged their running coach in it.
She truly doesn't care about engagement. It is just about keeping somebody close who thinks well of her, says nice things about her and might be interested in her too.
That train has now officially left the station for good.
I think the "Take care Jon. Merry Christmas", especially because she was angry - maybe (or just playing a game) - for being unfriended, was a send off.
Again, it's really sad.
I would say that there are hundreds of people that I meet at random from work, at races, etc. that I have better engagement with than I do with her.
Their reaching out to me hopefully takes my worry about being accused of stalking off the table.
I also said to somebody that I hope they find peace and happiness somewhere.
I believe that I was as nice as she's going to get in an individual who wasn't out for something, was a gentleman and didn't get out of my lane other than to make the ask that I did two and a half weeks ago, but gave everything I had and got nothing other than some headaches and time wasted in return.
I guess that's why they call the latter "experience".
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