I had a really, really good weekend, but today - Monday - I'm struggling.
I took an opportunity to get away and visit a pair of good friends in Louisiana and Alabama, and run a little bit too.
Well, probably a little more than I should have - and I'm paying for that today.
Work is going great.
Next to my daughter, right now, it is probably the second best thing in my life.
It can be a little boring and monotonous at times, but aside from the commute - and Houston drivers - it is not an area in my life that I have too much to complain about.
I think the biggest frustration is when I don't have what I need -- whether it be tangible items or the proper direction - to do some of the things that I do very, very well.
And this is in my "outside of work" world.
A major event is coming in 19 days and there's so much that needs to be done and determined, but one person is the gatekeeper for all of that - and their time is being sliced 28 ways right now.
It is simply frustrating.
I question whether I'll do it again, but that decision has many other ramifications.
And it would preclude me from doing some other events that I have enjoyed so far.
I wonder - at times - if it is all worth it.
I won't put my job that puts food on the table and keeps Waverly in school in jeopardy, but I don't - even as a volunteer (or something just shy of that) - like to be viewed as somebody who doesn't perform ... well.
The other area in my life that I'm struggling with is responding to other people's behavior -- and trying to completely cut those situations out of my life.
Actually, if I could just keep the tape of those people's actions from being on an auto-loop in my mind, that would be the absolute best.
I want to lash out at those people. Very anrgily, actually.
It really wouldn't do accomplish anything - and it would ruin my character as well as a few other things, I'm sure.
Therefore, I have to stuff it and to try and mentally destroy the tape. Or tapes rather.
What makes it all even harder is that when a person that is the one who has done the offending is well-liked by many and in a group of people that I have enjoyed being around, I have to sacrifice many of those relationships to keep from being around that individual.
Especially when I don't trust that person or anything that comes from their lips.
I don't have a poker face. Therefore, I can't even hide indifference towards a particular person well.
I guess the bottom line is too: I'm willing to give, but is the other person? Often times, I find out that they aren't. Which is too bad.