Monday, February 10, 2014

Struggling; February 10, 2014

I had a really, really good weekend, but today - Monday - I'm struggling.

I took an opportunity to get away and visit a pair of good friends in Louisiana and Alabama, and run a little bit too.

Well, probably a little more than I should have - and I'm paying for that today.

Work is going great.

Next to my daughter, right now, it is probably the second best thing in my life.

It can be a little boring and monotonous at times, but aside from the commute - and Houston drivers - it is not an area in my life that I have too much to complain about.

I think the biggest frustration is when I don't have what I need -- whether it be tangible items or the proper direction - to do some of the things that I do very, very well.

And this is in my "outside of work" world.

A major event is coming in 19 days and there's so much that needs to be done and determined, but one person is the gatekeeper for all of that - and their time is being sliced 28 ways right now.

It is simply frustrating.

I question whether I'll do it again, but that decision has many other ramifications.

And it would preclude me from doing some other events that I have enjoyed so far.

I wonder - at times - if it is all worth it.

I won't put my job that puts food on the table and keeps Waverly in school in jeopardy, but I don't - even as a volunteer (or something just shy of that) - like to be viewed as somebody who doesn't perform ... well.

The other area in my life that I'm struggling with is responding to other people's behavior -- and trying to completely cut those situations out of my life.

Actually, if I could just keep the tape of those people's actions from being on an auto-loop in my mind, that would be the absolute best.

I want to lash out at those people.  Very anrgily, actually.

It really wouldn't do accomplish anything - and it would ruin my character as well as a few other things, I'm sure.

Therefore, I have to stuff it and to try and mentally destroy the tape.  Or tapes rather.

What makes it all even harder is that when a person that is the one who has done the offending is well-liked by many and in a group of people that I have enjoyed being around, I have to sacrifice many of those relationships to keep from being around that individual.

Especially when I don't trust that person or anything that comes from their lips.

I don't have a poker face.  Therefore, I can't even hide indifference towards a particular person well.

I guess the bottom line is too:  I'm willing to give, but is the other person?  Often times, I find out that they aren't.  Which is too bad.