So I've refrained from posting anything as I've tried to ride through this personal storm that I've been in.
I asked for somebody's time and I got ghosted. No response.
A couple of weeks after that, they discovered that I had unfriended them - when inviting people to an event via Facebook for a mutual friend of ours - 10 days after they accepted a Facebook friend request, sent at their request.
Why? Even though conversation for two months through Facebook Messenger, and two brief times in person, was good, what I deem a friendship to be or even a good, positive acquaintance just still wasn't going to be.
There was one other engagement when I asked them to take an unflattering picture out of an Instagram post on my best friend's running group site that she manages. She had to take the entire post down.
I reached out and while thanking her from taking it out I also apologized for her having to take the entire post down. (Just the way Instagram works.)
And even though they were apologetic for that situation, which really wasn't a big deal (I just didn't like the picture), there was still no recognition of what they did wrong to me.
So, not wanting to have to watch them comment on everybody else's posts while not engaging with me and just being astounded of her having this expectation of being a Facebook friend before being a real friend, I shut them out on Facebook until the first of the year.
I didn't see them again in person until January 2 - the first time since the Saturday after being ghosted - and while I didn't go out of my way to avoid them (I was heading to the public restroom before starting a four-mile walk and didn't stop to engage), I could tell that the hurt was still raw -- and I didn't engage with them.
I tried to work through my forgiveness of them - the act is easy; the emotion is difficult - by leaving a "Keep up the good work" on a public "I ran a 5K at midnight" post.
And then when they were included in a podcast that appeared in my Facebook feed from a running group that I was in, I listened, then messaged and complimented them and got a single "Thanks" as a response.
The message was as follows:
I'm in the ----------- group and the post regarding the podcast appeared to me in my Facebook feed this morning. I just finished listening. You did well. I'm sorry to hear of your recent health issues and as always, continue to wish for the best for you, your girls and your family.
I knew that that - the single word, "Thanks" - wasn't good, to be honest.
We saw each other last Sunday at a race. I don't think she knew for sure that I was going to be there until the night before.
Again, I'm still working through this hurt.
Our meeting was brief and I'll be honest I was terse and I later sent a note apologizing for being so on the way home.
Please forgive me for being terse this morning and non-communicative when you passed me. You made the effort and I didn’t step up and respond like I normally do to most everybody I know. I was hanging out, not lined up, until all the 5M/10M went and thought the 5K’ers were going so I sprinted up the side (as the timer wanted me to make sure I started before the 5K). When I was out on the street and looked right, and saw you just starting, I was like, “Crap, oops, I messed that up!” So I knew you were behind me and knew it would be a matter of time until you passed me. So, thanks for the 9:11 mile one! I haven’t looked at the results (still en route to home), but you looked solid passing, making the left-hand turn onto the first long street (I was making the left to start towards the finish) and then into the finish.
She said there was no need to apologize. And she said that she had hoped that I had enjoyed myself.
I said - on Tuesday - giving some time to respond - that I had and shared that I was out there as part of a race that I was going to announce in the future and shared some work of mine - and then I got this:
Hi Jon,
I hope you believe me when I tell you I have struggled to find the right response and words for this: the truth is I have a hard time with the lack of consistency in our friendship, or the lack thereof. It is difficult for me and makes me uncomfortable when I don’t know whether I can say hi, or ignore someone... you have done this to me several times ever since 2012 if I am not mistaken. And, to be honest, and with all due respect I am not interested in that kind of relationship with anyone.
I have hesitated to say this for many reasons: we have a huge number of dear friends in common, I deeply admire your work in the community, I really like ------- and would not want to hurt the relationship with her, you have been incredibly thoughtful and generous with -------, among many others but again, I can’t nor do I want to do the on and off and on again and off again with anyone.
I hope you are well, and I wish you the very best. Thank you Jon.
I responded with:
-------, I’m thankful for the time that you took to write this to me. (I’m in the middle of a conference call right now.)
And then a little while later:
2013. You gave me your resume after meeting you at the track when you started to run with -------, which I sent to five people in the community ("I named four" and one other person I can't remember) who I thought could help you. And then when I helped you get connected to wireless at the Hilton Garden Inn when you were working the elite suite as I got there to take "an elite runner" to the airport. I remember them like they were yesterday.
I'm sorry this has all troubled you, but I don't know what your expectation of a friendship is, to be honest. It's clear that my efforts to be friendly to you have not measured up to your expectations.
As I've mentioned before, and have seen in limited opportunities in person and more so online, you have plenty of friends who think way more highly of you than how well I think of you and that you don't necessarily need me around to live your life successfully.
I think you have done very well, and will continue to do so in the future.
I will always be a professional, however, as it comes to recognizing you and your girls' accomplishments when those opportunities naturally present themselves. That'll never change. It is just who I am with just about everybody. If my character were any different, I don't think I would have the opportunities that I've been given in multiple communities.
If you wish to discuss any of this, I'm available any time, any place that our jobs or your family responsibilities don't interfere. However, that trigger could have been pulled at any time you wished during all of this. All you had to do was ask. I would have dropped everything to make the time for you.
And if you wish to "move on" - by the choice of words "I wish you the very best" - and decide to ignore me going forward, I have no problem with that as I can't control what you decide to do (and wouldn't try to). At the same time, I will refrain from making any effort and will stop engaging with you further.
And if it is that I'm closing I'll close with this (and if you don't believe what I'm about to share you can ask ------- and she'll confirm this), as I knew my birthday was approaching very early last month, I told ------- that I wanted to go to our usual spot for dinner.
Yet, in mid-December when I told her that, even after the communication we had around somebody's special event, I really wanted to invite you and your girls - as I thought it would have been nice for ------- to meet them and vice versa - to join us that day.
Now, while I learned in the podcast that it couldn't have been because of your health situation on that day, even down to the day of my birthday, if you had recognized from somebody that it was my birthday (as I had with you on yours - I knew generally it was in the fall but never knew the day), I would have asked ... but ultimately I didn't because I didn't want to have to deal with another no response from you in asking for a small amount of your time like I had in late November.
Again, all in all, I'm sorry I haven't met your expectations and I'm sure that there'll be somebody available to take advantage of the opportunity vacated.
Later that day, I received a "Thank you Jon."
We'll see each other again on Sunday. If there's no engagement, I'll have my answer and move on.
If there is, and there's not a discussion of how to rectify, I still think I need to move on.
I've never, ever had as hard of a time with one individual than this one person.
I mean, I get along and am more friendly with the people across the road from my house at the Whataburger that I frequent nearly every morning.
After eight years of being aware of somebody, because I clearly don't know them and why I asked for their time when they said that "our encounters have been brief", having this isn't worth expending the time going forward.
Their on again off again statement is about online. It isn't in person at all.
Again, the two longest conversations that I've had with the person was at two different cross country meets her daughter was competing at -- and neither was more than five minutes long en total.
In eight years. That's not a friendship at all by any means.
It is really, really sad that I've allowed this individual to do this to me.
Literally while walking early this morning on The Woodlands Waterway, I was in tears. I admit it. Some may call me weak. That's OK. Do it.
I would say, however, I have empathy and am compassionate and care, but we sometimes have our limits.
And it is clear that I need to recover from my hurt. (That's the thing: I was the one that has been hurt and she's playing herself to be the victim here. Yes, I know what the definition(s) of that is.)
And I've worn out probably four friends in dealing with this, including my daughter. And to those folks, thank you for showing me what real friendship is.
I've prayed about this recently, and while I think I have my answer, it is hard to pull the trigger.
If you're reading, pray for everybody involved. Thanks.
