Happy Father's Day. It was indeed happy, but a bit sad too.
As I've mentioned many times here, my desire is to write more, but it seems like life gets in the way.
However, I enjoy taking the time to document my thoughts, including the struggles and the joys.
I'm a very blessed man, even though there are things that have happened in my life that may indicate failure. I didn't say I was perfect or not, but still - through it all - blessed.
I think what today has taught me is the importance of openly communicating how you feel towards people who take the boldness to do the same unto you.
That seems to be the theme which resonates through the day.
My day started early, as I couldn't sleep. And I haven't been sleeping well this past week with Waverly gone on her missions trip to Kenya and Tanzania, but it isn't because I'm worried about her in any way, shape or form.
Sure, there are many risks, but that is why I trust God and those who are making decisions on my behalf these two weeks while she is gone.
And perhaps that is it -- that I know that I'm not able to fill that role of being ready to meet her needs, regardless of the day or hour. Or maybe God is trying to tell me to take a well-deserved rest.
I'm sure that God will continue to reveal it to me, and draw me away from some of the time that I wasted earlier in the week.
I was able to communicate with a high school classmate very, very early as well as watch a Christian friend of mine from the triathlon community as he was delivering a keynote speech at a major IT conference. I sent him a tweet that I would gladly yield the microphone at a race to him, but just now I also realized why a friend - who lost a loved one about this time two years ago - entrusted him to communicate on their behalf.
A class act and even a classier man who has been supportive and encouraging to me and my daughter while I was villified by a few in a mutual athletic community.
(As I was writing this, at this juncture, I checked my e-mail and I had something in my box that brought together what I just wrote above. Wow.)
I went to church this morning buffeted by online communications expressing my thankfulness of being given the opportunity to be a father as well as receiving public praise from my daughter. Very humbling, yet very thankful.
My parents have had a challenging week and my Dad wasn't able to make it to this morning's service, but my Mom was there. While communicating with Waverly the day before, I asked her to pray for them both.
My prayer and desire for both of them is to put their faith in action with a POSITIVE spirit that only they both can initiate and make happen.
The rest of my day was one of rest and reflection. I took a nap mid-day. Does that mean I'm getting old? I hope not. I don't feel my age.
Reflection, however, in that I feel as if I'm losing one of my best friends.
There's a distance that is coming into play in that relationship, but because of an extenuating circumstance that is in the middle of it that I feel like I need to let things play themselves out.
I saw a family member of theirs in my church this morning getting up from the altar and I stopped - during the invitation - to take the time to pray for this individual as well as the person that is part of that circumstance.
It's all good and I'm just going to give that situation to God and let Him have it.
Twice within the last month with more than one person I've reached out to people and have been very open and heartfelt with no expectations other than an acknowledgement of the communication or perhaps a statement that they understand.
Yet I received neither. Could they have not received those respective communications? Possibly, but I just sense that they have and haven't reached out to attempt to respond to them.
As I shared with a mutual colleague, I'm made to feel on the defensive even though I was the one who reached out to bring clarity to an awkward feeling.
I will stand down and walk away. I will never force anything again with people and, of course, I try here to make sense of it all in a language that is loving and not destructive.
I'm trying to learn from God to be even more patient and reflective, yet there are pangs of loneliness.
However, a Third Day song, "Call My Name", this evening reminded me that He provides me what I need when I need it:
It's been so long since
You felt like you were loved
So what went wrong
But do you know
There's a place where you belong
Here in My Arms
Chorus:
When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there
The pain inside
Has erased your hope for love
Soon you will find
That I'll give you all
That your heart could ever want
And so much more
Chorus
You just call My name
You just call My name
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
Call My name say it now
I want you to never doubt
The love I have for you is so alive
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
I think one of the greatest things that has helped me the past four months is having the boldness to attend a Third Day concert at Liberty with my daughter.
I can honestly say that I don't think that I've heard any more than 20 country and western songs since then. I've decided to try and fill my head - and heart - with more positive and uplifting music and messages.
Coming back to Waverly, it was such a treat to talk with her one-on-one on Face Time from Tanzania. Wow! She inspires me.
As I shared with a very good friend of mine later in the evening, who has two precious young girls of his own, that it is great knowing that your children are working to pursue God's perfect will in their life.
I actually had the boldness - and I'm sure she understands - to say to her that I didn't "miss" her so to speak because I was so excited for the life she was choosing to live out.
Yet I can't wait to spend hours and hours with her hearing about everything that took place on the trip and for her to decompress all of the things that she has had the opportunity to witness.
I've even encouraged her to blog, in a sense, because I believe that she has - and will in the future - so much to share.
Her heart is incredibly big and I'm so honored to have played a small part in that.
One of the things that I know will sustain me when she is off to college are the praise and worship songs that she has sang at church - as well as the special music. When I hear those songs on the radio, my eyes get moist and my heart wells up in pride.
That one song this evening was Matt Redman's "You Never Let Go". It took me ten minutes to look it up to remember. What's this about short-term memory again?
I'll close with this: it was not lost on me today of those who have either lost their children or their parents, particularly their fathers.
I thought about a number of folks specifically and communicated directly with a couple of those people who had lost a dear loved one in their life.
I'm thankful to have both my father, 66, and grandfather, 90, alive as well as my 18-year-old daughter. To have that makes all else small in the grand scheme of life.
I'm also thankful for those in my life who love me - as family or friend - and make the effort to either reach out and/or reciprocate what love was extended to them from me.
That's being blessed.
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