Happy Mother's Day; May 12, 2013

Today’s Mother’s Day and I had the opportunity to honor my Mom by being in church with her.

The last time that I remember not being there was totally by accident.  I scheduled the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon, which I think was in 2004.  It was in the first year or two that I started to run and it, of course, was a new high for me.

It was my fourth half marathon in five months (Houston, Little Rock and Columbus, Ohio being the other three).  She understood, often as a Mother does.

She was also there when I had the courage to run my first race – the four-miler at the Houston Marathon more than 10 years ago.  My daughter got sick so Mom stayed home with her and like a small child, I wanted my Mom to go with me to ensure that everything would be all right.

It was, of course, and I was able to take in an activity that has brought much into the world of my daughter – physically, emotionally, developmentally and eventually, spiritually.

Back to today … being there with them is the least that I can do, even though I fail daily in other areas in my life.  (Things, of course, that generally only God knows about.)

The greatest thing that my Mom gave me is the ability to love.

It is a great ability, and one that I’m thankful for, but what hurts is when that love that I offer to others is rejected or not fully reciprocated.  And that love isn’t necessarily a relationship type of love, but one of a deep, meaningful friendship.

Those times are the most sorrowful in my life and I’m thankful that God’s love is what allows me to function from day to day, when those times occur.

The love that my Mom imparted in me is what has allowed me to love my daughter unconditionally, and I’m thankful for it.

My Mom didn’t have a lot materially growing up.  Her older sister, who passed on way, way too soon (1990, I think), raised her the last two years before she married my father, and then had me.

I think this is why that I’m generally happy with what I have and that I don’t have to have the next big thing.  (Heck, for the moment, I’m still operating with a flip phone.  That generated a fun conversation yesterday morning with friends who are runners, but there are other practical folks still around like me.)

While in church this morning, I thought, though, how my Mom hasn’t had her Mom since she was a sophomore in high school – coming up close to 50 years.

I guess there’s one thing that I’m thankful for my parents for having me really, really early is that it is likely that I won’t live that long after she has passed on to have to endure such a loss.

I know that there was one other situation that troubled my Mom today, but it went unspoken although I could see it in her eyes.

It hurt me a little bit too.  However, there are things that I can’t control nor do I have complete knowledge of.

I thought of others whose mothers have passed on as well as those who have lost children before their time.  Our pastor also asked everyone to pray for those who couldn’t have children – and enjoy that gift from God.

Society, I suppose, says that I shouldn’t be as sensitive as a man as what I am, but I would like to think that it has given me a fighting chance of being a decent father to my daughter.

There are areas that I could have been more Christ-like, and it isn’t that I didn’t have the boldness but that just trying to remain happy and stable over the years – of having love rejected close to home – I loved her with everything I had.

Our pastor’s message today – “How to say, “Are you worth it?” - was the second on parenting and I’m thankful that I believe that I got some of it right.

Introduction:  Every child has four basic needs that should be met by their parents – Security, Self-Worth, Significance and Love.

Reality:  If they don’t find these at home, they will find them somewhere.

Principle:  Boys and girls have these needs fulfilled through one basic question they need answered by their parents.  A boy’s question, “Do I have what it takes (to be a man)?”  The end result is that “he is looking to impress.”  While a girl’s question is, “Am I lovely?”  With that she is trying to capture your attention.

Biblical Truth:  God’s greatest desire for parents is to raise Godly children.

“Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife?  In body and spirit you are his.  And what does he want?  Godly children from your union.  So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”  Malachi 2:15 (NLT).

How to Bring Out the Best in Your Kids

Accept their uniqueness.  (I Corinthians 12:6; Galatians 6:4)

Affirm their value.  (Psalms 139:13-14; Proverbs 12:25)

Correct them without condemning them.  (Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 13:24; Ephesians 6:4, 4:29)

Love them unconditionally.  (Ephesians 4:32; I Corinthians 13:7)

Final Thought:  More of parenting is caught than taught (meaning that children pick more up of what they see behavior that a parent models as opposed to what a parent teaches a child.)

I would like to think that I was able to provide those four needs and that my daughter only augmented those through her involvement in our church’s youth activities and choir – and didn’t go seek them in the world.

I think the question of whether she knows that from her parents that she is lovely or not is easily answered.  She’s lovely inside and out.

I think God’s desire was met, through His will, but that the production of a Godly child was done separately by her parents not together.

I believe that I definitely got the last of the four points correct and that I did the other three reasonably well.  I’m sure, though, that I could have improved in those three areas.  It is likely that all parents can.

Since I don’t publicize this blog, there are many that will never read it – and actually that’s OK because it is another way for me to try and survive in this world.

I can’t take time to individually wish every Mom out there that I know Happy Mother’s Day and I think – for me – posting a blanket “Happy Mother’s Day” Facebook status would go over like a lead balloon and to some seem insincere.

However, there are those that I wish it was appropriate for me to hope that they have had a good Mother’s Day today because I know how much they love their children – in how much they talk about them without necessarily bragging on them.  To me, that speaks volumes.

I'll regret not doing so because I fear that they'll take it the wrong way, but I -- and God -- know(s) what was in my heart.

So all I can do is pray that they’re getting all of their needs met by God through the love of their children.  I suppose it is the least that I can do.

Keep Slugging Away; April 25, 2013

Yes, Mr. Anti-Social has become even more so in the last week.

I have kind of gone on a self-imposed social media blackout (as stated earlier) -- with the exception of signing on to either Facebook or Twitter to deliver information that I have a responsibility to for particular clients, such as RAS or TRT.

Otherwise, I just choose not to interact for awhile.  I think at times I've become co-dependent (via these mediums) upon (or in) the lives of others -- and in the long run, that isn't healthy.

I believe that I expect people to reciprocate on my terms - and often they can't, won't or don't know (or care) what the expectation that's to be met.

And, of course, the fear is (for me) that people won't; therefore, it is easier to simply remove myself from what I believe to be an even unhealthier situation -- and just focus on taking care of me.

Sounds selfish, but I believe it to be more self-preservation than anything else.

Some of it also emanates from watching what transpired in those mediums (i.e. Facebook and Twitter) as it related to the tragedies in Boston and West, Texas.

There was a lot of great humanity displayed.  That's for certain.  However, there were a few things that disappointed me too, which was surprisingly disheartening.

Oh well, time to keep slugging away!

A Dollar Short; April 23, 2013

Since I've gone into a self-imposed social media blackout, I've really limited my online exposure to checking e-mail and doing the things necessary to support me!  :) 

It has already proven to be a needed mental break and one I need to figure out how to continue into the future.

Having been gone for most of four days (Friday-Monday), I took the opportunity to take Waverly out to dinner Monday evening.

We went to one of our favorite places to eat, BJ's Brewhouse in Shenandoah. 

I think that this time is what I will miss the most when she goes off to school in August at Liberty University.

I think taking - and making - time like this is what has made our father-daughter relationship as special as I believe it is.  Some might say it is what I should do regardless.  That may be true, but I cherish the time nonetheless.

We had a chance to visit about what was left to transpire during her final six weeks of high school and talked about many things as she continues to prepare for her first semester at Liberty. 

It is an exciting time in her life and she's doing an excellent job in planning for those next stages in it.

The exchange with the server, though, was quite interesting, and I didn't get a good vibe from the beginning.

She was one of those that gives you the impression that it is "just a job" to them. 

Nonetheless, we were well-waited on even though we didn't have an appetizer, dessert or drinks (not that Waverly can or would - and I can, but don't).

The bill was $26.20 and I gave the server two 20-dollar bills.  My plan was once I got change back was to tip the server $5 - more than 20% of the amount before taxes.

When she brought the portfolio back, there was $12.80 in change and not $13.80. 

I looked over it for awhile to make sure that a dollar bill didn't slip out somewhere and even had Waverly look at it to be sure that I didn't mess anything up (and that I was counting it right!)

After a minute or two of considering my options, I said to Waverly that I wasn't going to worry over a dollar and that if there was an irregularity that it would be on the server's conscious, not mine. 

So I placed my tip ($5, as planned) in the portfolio, closed it and just as I was beginning to move out of the booth, the server asked, "Did I not give you the right change?"

It wasn't, "Is there a problem?" or "You look troubled, 'How can I help?'", but rather the aforementioned question.

I informed her that it was short a dollar.  She offered to give it to me, but I refused and we politely left (but also didn't look back). 

Maybe I was weak and should have pushed the issue, but it wasn't worth the drama and the uneasiness that went with it even though I know that it was short.

Perhaps it was an honest mistake.  And if so, maybe she needed that dollar yesterday more than I did.

Social Media Timeout ... Again; April 22, 2013

Although it doesn't tell everything, social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) can tell a lot about a person. 

Yes, me included.

The biggest challenges that I encounter, especially on Facebook, are the associations that people have. 

And based on some encounters I've had with just one or two people (maybe throw in a third), Facebook, without even making a concerted effort, yields a road map of exactly 1.) who you can and can't trust and 2.) who else you need to distance yourself from - and why.

The thing is:  None of this will ever change.  And honestly, there's nothing that I can do about it.

So what am I to do?  Unplug for awhile, and as often as necessary to maintain a level of sanity.

So I'll try it again and see if the outcomes are any better.

Bumping Off Twitter; March 12, 2013

Yes, I just went ahead and deactivated the Twitter feed as I suggested that I might.

I had thrown some general, open-ended questions out there to maybe drive a little discussion.  Nothing.  The birds are still chirping.

I don't want to just be known for what interesting information I can come up and publish.  I've actually felt that for a long time.

While I might be a very simple person, if people can't make an effort to relate on more than that then maybe there are some situations with particular people that need reconsideration.

I guess I just didn't recall signing up to be in a fishbowl, and, at the same time, I wasn't comfortable with people just lurking out there and me knowing who they are.  Like I said, I normally didn't look to see who was following me, but the last couple of additions left me rattled a little bit.

I could have "bumped" them off, but that just starts all kinds of talk about me - which is something I don't want.

Even though my Facebook page and Twitter account is wide-open, if somebody is going to check it out without engaging me, don't friend or follow me.  Please, that is.

It is all tempered, I believe, by a bad situation where it seemed that somebody was quietly and closely watching my status updates.  Especially when I received a note that said, "I was just worried about you, and missed reading your posts on FB."  Then, and in the end, they never really engaged much to a level of friendship beyond that.

And it isn't something that I want to invest energy into again and have similar results. 

Maybe a flawed approach, but it is safer - emotionally - to find something - as opposed to somebody - to throw myself into then as opposed to trying to deal with people that can't or won't engage.

Facebook vs. Twitter; March 4, 2013

“Facebook is where you find the people you know.  Twitter is where you find the people you should know.”

I heard this said – or something very similar – this past Saturday afternoon. 

Or rather put, the latter may also be – as I read in an article where I found that quote above – “to follow people you find interesting or have the same interests as you”.

There was a time, under another handle (my original @walksports), that I used it to “anonymously” vent to respond to and deal with some hurts that I believed had been levied against me. 

That was, of course, a major, major mistake. 

Now I do much, much less of that, because the individuals who caused the hurt have gone away, but it still makes me curious why people choose to follow me there.

I guess the reason that I’m even writing about this is because somebody that I know in person – but not too well – started to follow me on Twitter Sunday evening (after being around them in person two consecutive days a little bit more than before), but did not send a friend request on Facebook (which is really OK).

And it was that same person, when speaking directly to somebody that I consider a friend, who referred to the quote above.

So is it that you can look inside somebody’s fishbowl on Twitter and not become emotionally attached, but with Facebook it is as if you’re addicted – hanging on their every movement?

Well, maybe not that involved, but you get the idea of the difference between the two.

I kind of know, and this is what the article states, pretty much everyone that is a Facebook friend, but I’d have to look and really see who was following me on Twitter.  The only way I even know sometimes is if I go to the associated e-mail account to see who states that they are starting to follow me.  That is actually how I discovered this individual.

I guess I feel like I’m auditioning to be a friend to this individual, which is a bit odd.

I hope I don’t scare them off. 

Why?  Because I’m actually a little bit more raw – and random – in Twitter.  If I see a funny license plate, I’ll tweet it.  Or a church sign with a funny or thought-provoking message.

My Facebook is just as open, though, as Twitter is.  (In fact, some of my Facebook statuses flow right over to Twitter.)  There might be 1 in 1,000 status updates, etc. that is hidden to “friends” or “friends of friends”.

In closing, I will say this about Twitter:  I typically get more useful information from Twitter than I do Facebook these days, but it seems I follow much more on Twitter and therefore don’t get to everything that I want to see.

And the things that I post there are more flippant whereas I post with intention on Facebook.

Cautiously Excited Father; February 17, 2013

I can't begin to describe what an humbling feeling it is to see the incredible growth a beautiful young woman has had in her life.

I can certainly tell you that I've been the one that has been blessed -- and I'm the one that is supposed to be leading her.

I remember a time not too long ago -- just less than five years ago -- when Waverly shied away from singing the National Anthem.

This was in the middle of nowhere (figuratively, of course) in Groveton, Texas at a marathon and half marathon that numbered no more than 300 participants.

She had sang it once before in October 2007 at the Huntsville Half Marathon, when she was a sixth grader.

Since then, as many of you know, she has performed the Anthem countless time in crowds numbering five to six thousand and has done so flawlessly.

So I am just in awe - as her father - that she will put herself out there in front of a skilled evaluator and audition for one of Liberty University's Ministry Teams on Friday when I travel with her to for me to take a look at the campus in Virginia.

Even though I'm not looking too forward to August 14, 2013, the day I have to leave her there, I know in my heart - and I truly believe - that this is where God wants Waverly to be.

My prayer is that, regardless of the outcome, God will continue to show her exactly where she needs to be to accomplish His perfect will for her life.

Please keep her in your prayers that she settle on a song that she's comfortable with and that she enjoys singing -- and that she'll walk away from the audition with a positive experience to continue to learn and grow from.